And good evening to you too.
Despite the recovery from the abyss of
scrambled consciousness brought on by justifiable excess, I am later
than even I expected. That, in fact, is down to a skype call from
Genevieve in Cardiff. It is always good to talk with her.
As always I
trawled through the various newspapers and found just a few things
worthy of mention, but while I try to avoid the obvious topics, I cannot
avoid them completely.
Anyway, since you have been following the news too, let’s start with Spain and the doctor cum fraude…
who,
in a void of self-awareness, started the week with an appearance in the
UK newspapers who reported that the «Spanish Prime Minister» (someone
in the British media should do some research, the head of the Spanish
government is the president, not the Prime Minister) was telling the
British that if he were Teresa May, he would have a second referendum.
This
is shameful for everyone in Spain and hilarious for everyone else. This
is a president (cum fraude) who has not even called one election to
legitimise his own status and here he is telling the Brits what to do.
Breath-taking ignorance of breath-taking arrogance? I can’t even say
that you have picked «a good one» there since he took the presidency by
default. Wait until he throws out the presidential pardon to the mad
Catalans. The day that happens I will make a ton of popcorn and sit at
the computer watching the news blogs for wonderfully entertaining
comments.
Speaking of clouds, at the world darts championship this week, one contestant (a previous world champion, no less) was well beaten but blamed the defeat on his opponent’s digestive system. He said «every time I went to play a shot, there was a sudden odour of a foul nature». Okay, I am paraphrasing in my own way, but basically, he claimed that his opponent deliberately used the «guano strategy» by forcing Hydrogen gas accompanied by various … eh… aromatics from his lower region during the match. The offensive attack on his ollfactory receptors was so bad that it put him off his game and he thus lost. The darts player who won said «I didn’t do nothin'» followed by various rumbling sounds and the sight of reports running for the exits.
In
France this week… a man of Syrian nationality took the TGV train from
Lille to the south of France. He had evil in mind (not his mind,
however, he was acting for his version of a god) and was carrying a
liquid in a bottle that he would use as a combustible for a great
conflagration, or so he thought. Then at the appropriate moment, after
his fevered prayers, he took out the bottle and poured the contents over
himself and then, shouting how great allah is and other such things, he
tried to light a match to set himself on fire. It wouldn’t take light.
Another match and … nothing. Panic! And again…. Then someone grabbed
him and subdued him. They had noticed the smell.
While he thought
that he was carrying a bottle of inflammible liquid because he saw the
word «alcohol» written on the label, it was actually a bottle of rosé
wine with the word «alcohol» on the label. The guy didn’t speak French
and he was fairly shit at chemistry too.
Just goes to show, some of
these terrorists are not very intelligent. I suppose that must be the
case, otherwise they wouldn’t do it in the first place. And if they were
intelligent, many more of us would be dead.
Brexit has taken up
everyone’s time and driven us to stultifying boredom. Nevertheless, some
gems of intelligence inevitably come to the surface.
The now ex
Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, a man of no wit and full of
self-satisfied arrogance, who admitted a week ago that he was unaware of
how important the nearest port to the continent was, resigned because
he rejected the Brexit deal that he was in charge of and signed.
Schroedinger’s cat comes to mind for some reason.
I hope that there is a film of people trying to explain to Dominic Raab that the English Channel isn’t a television station.
However, I think we have a new winner for the «Dominic Raab Brexiteer All-Comers Cup for Knowing Fuck All About Brexit».
The
member of parliament Nadine Dorries is the gift of idiocy that keeps on
giving. She wants out of Europe in the hardest terms and is objecting
to the recent deal signed by Mr Raab himself and the Prime Minister May,
or Maybot, as she is known for her robot-like repetition of phrases
that have nothing to do with any of the questions asked by journalists.
She actually stood up in the house of Commons and said
«But
unfortunately, the future of the country and of our relationship with
Europe is at stake. This deal gives us no voice, no votes, no MEPs, no
commissioner.”
There are nematode worms crawling about my garden that would make better public representatives.
This
is so surreal that I have to repeat it. She is rather uspet because
this Brexit deal will leave the UK, after it has left the EU with no
elected Members of the European Parliament, no commisioner and in fact
no voice and no vote in the EU! She blames it all on the «bad deal» that
PM May has got.
I am lost for words. How is it possible to
explain anything to someone who is clearly missing parts of her brain?
She expected to have representatives in the European Union after they
have left it? And commissioners too? And she expected to be able to
vote?
is this worse than the other idiot who thought he could simply
go to Dublin and get an Irish passport because he is 100% English or
not?
It isn’t just the policians and the uneducated. Genevieve
told me of this conversation that she had with some staff member of the
University of Cardiff.
«Oh dear God, Papa, I was speaking last week
to Brexit voting lecturer who is about to retire and is planning on
selling his house and moving with his wife to Spain. I asked them how
they thought they would get on if the freedom of movement was restricted
by Brexit. So he said «that’s not a problem because Freedom of Movement
only applies to people coming into UK not to UK citizens leaving and
going abroad.»
Poor Genevieve! Surrounded by complete idiots.
And a topical piece of humour to conclude with?
….. and then, then, then, Barnier said to May:
«How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb? One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up!»
You
will have begun to notice that these days every minority group is
telling us that they are victims of society and it is all our fault. We
have gone from the hierarchy of needs to the hierarchy of competence to
the hierarchy of victims and they all want to get on the ladder. They
all have something useless and stupid to say and confuse opinion with
fact.
Twitter and the social media has a lot to answer for.
But
things have reached the depths of weird shit when vegans start to
consider themselves a protected group who equate mockery of them to
mockery of people who have actually experienced genuine oppression.
Well
known chef William Sitwell discovered this week that he is a bad bad
man. His humourous comments about vegans has just cost him his job as
editor of the hugely successful Waitrose Food magazine, which he had
both written for and edited for the last 20 years.
A vegan journalist
and activist Selene Nelson aggressively suggested that he feature a
series of articles about vegan food. He responded: «Hi Selene. Thanks
for this. How about a series on killing vegans, one by one. Ways to trap
them? How to interrogate them properly? Expose their hypocrisy? Force
feed them meat? Make them eat steak and drink red wine?»
It was a joke obviously and showed his exasperation in what he thought was a funny way.
Suddenly he is being accused of incitement to hatred by the vegans.
How
could anyone seriously imagine that Sitwell genuinely hopes for the day
when he can hunt down and kill any vegan who approaches him with an
idea for an article?
Well, the vegans did – or, to be more precise,
they pretended they did. When another journalist Giles Coren (who I met
many years ago while he visited Brian at the Mill) tried to defend him
online, the reaction was as quick as it was dumb, with people telling
Coren that surely as a Jew, he’d be more sensitive to the vegans’
worries.
In short, a sarcastic email about your food choice places
you on the same moral plane of persecution as the victims of the
Holocaust?
Anyway, the chef lost his job.
This type of thing is happening everywhere, be it the homosexuals, the vegans, or any tiny group of nuts
It also shows that the main side-effect of becoming a vegan is an apparent total loss of all humour and proportion.
This
week I am bound to encounter the Vegan communications teacher who can
only ever find a seat in our dining area and kitchen next to me. I hate
vegans almost as much as I detest ecologists.
I will find a way of asking her if a vegan «swallows» a man, is she still a vegan? I will let you know the response.
Okay, I have had my rant and am stopping there.
May the lords of the universe smile upon you both and all of yours!
I need a drink.
f
And did I mention that Ireland beat the All Blacks in rugby yesterday?
They did. They did.