Mes: abril 2019

Another week of election planning in Spain has gone past… pathos..  to be ignored. It will all turn out for the worse.
Have you voted yet for your least disliked option?
Plenty of articles in teh international press, including several by Javier Cercas. Does he have a new book to sell or what?

The Brexit nonsense continues with more ministers secretly breaking the laws of the land and denying it. Another subject to be ignored as it is already turning into the worst possible scenario.
What will the news be in 1000 years time?
«It’s year 3019, humans have saved planet Earth and have mastered inter-galactic space travel, building constructive relationships with several alien species.
Also, Brexit has been delayed a further 2 months.
«Don’t waste the time of the latest extension», said Tusk in serious warning, as the British do exactly that. I don’t even read about it any more.

Macron making promises is another bit of information to be ignored as said promises «n’engagent que ceux qui les croient».
Meanwhile, yet another believer who was close up to the low temperature conflagration (i.e. it wasn’t hell) in Notre Dame has been on the media claiming to have seen Jesus in the flames.
Personally, I believe her.
Really!
It would have been one of the many statues of Jesus all round the walls going up in flames.
Science… the Church of the middle ages was right: science is too dangerous.

News comes in that Kim Jong Un of the terrible North Korean haircut has been meeting Vlad «Impaler» Putin, who is being obviously set up (by whom?) to act as a go-between with the Orange Shit Gibbon in future talks on denuclearisation.
This is the same pair (Impaler and Shit Gibbon) who recently left the non-nuclear proliferation agreement in tatters and are now busy producing the next generation of nuclear bombs.
Three narcissists with inferiority complexes leading the charge for world safety from nuclear proliferation…. what could possibly go wrong ??
You don’t have to be of high IQ to know that Haircut thinks he is manipulating both Impaler and the Shit Gibbon, while it is also certain that Impaler is the Shit Gibbon’s in-line boss.
Of course China is manipulating all of them. And they have spies everywhere. Just look at the number of «chino» shops in Spain!
We’re fucked.

I read recently that, just like the Shit Gibbon, the Haircut’s father, Kim Jong Il was a keen golf player. Whereas we know that the Shit Gibbon cheats at golf, it is different for Kim Jong Il. He is so much better at golf too, having set the record for the finest round of golf in North Korea… at a score of 18 on their only full size course.

The anti-vaccine gang have done enough damage, you might think, with the very serious rise in cases of measles (sarampión) throughout the world. All of these conspiracy nuts have created an unjustified worry amongst parents of new borns leading them to not take up the MMR vaccine (vacuna triple vírica). Consequently, the herd effect is lost and people will suffer as a result and many will die.
It gets worse.
In Australia, veterinarians are complaining that animal owners (especially of dogs) are now refusing to have these animals vaccinated. Why? Because they think that the dogs will become autistic.
No, I am not inventing this. You couldn’t invent this.
But, one, can animals become autistic?
Two, how would you know?

Science fiction gets closer to reality with news that scientists have partially revived some dead pig’s brains.
Okay!
I don’t know whether I am just speaking for me or the whole of humanity when I hesitatingly say to these scientists…. eh…. thanks?
«It nevertheless gives more proof that cell death in the brain takes place over a much longer time period», screamed one pig’s head.

At our age, all over 50, he said diplomatically, we are beset with the signs of aging, mainly concerning the skin and muscle structure underneath. How many people begin to think of changing appearance at this point? Botox injections, after all, are only a short step beyond dying one’s hair. Just another temporary image change, right? Well, it is time to act fast as there are new rules agreed upon by the European parliament in Brussels. From the end of this year, cosmetic clinics will have «to assess patients’ suitability for Botox in an attempt to detect those whose desire to alter their appearance is due to mental health problems».
Well, if they will use the word «patient» it is already assumed that every Botox fan is a sicko.
So, girls, off with the shackles now and get thee to a Botox clinic before you are subject to checks for mental health problems.
I can’t wait until they do the same for hair dying.

Silly headline of the week from the outraged (they have to complain about something)
«Trieste half-marathon accused of racism in excluding Africans»
So now an actual marathon can be accused of racism???
Whatever next?

I saw another small headline this morning and I was drown in to read the nonsense. It is some man (an architect) asking about his friend (another architect), neither of whom, he stresses, are gay, with whom he shares a bed every week and they kiss and hug. But no more than that, as they are definitely not gay.
All right, I don’t take that one seriously, but it does call to mind several other cases of astonishing denial of reality.
We are not racists, said Abascal of Vox.
Only we can save Spain, said Doctor cum Fraude of the PSOE.
Brexit is for the good of Great Britain, said several millionaires of the Conservative Party
I do not cheat at golf says any number of those lying bastards.
I paid my taxes, said Lionel Messi
I have qualifications, say many Spanish politicians;
I see Jesus in the flames…
well… I say that too as all I can conclude is that Christian philosophy is being burned on the altar of madness.
Oh but that is a depressing thought. If only Leinster had won last night!

In conclusion, we are all drifting down a river of liquid manure without paddles or rudder and having to listen to numerous loud navegators about where we should be going.
Now get out and spoil some votes! At least that way you can laugh.

Blessings, love, brandy
f

There is a very long line of now empty Guinness cans on the dining table. I am mostly responsible (a little help from son Maximilian) and am financially happy thet no pub was open today for the game. It would have cost me a fortune!
If you didn’t realise what the important event was on this Easter Sunday, I will inform you….  it was the semi final of the European competition of rugby. Otherwise known as the Heineken Cup.
Anyway, my home team Leinster (I am wearing the shirt now) won their semi-final against the French power-house of rugby Toulouse by a score of 30-12.
Clinical, entertaining, joyful and victorious, it was a game to celebrate.
You can now be assured that I have celebrated it already and will continue to do until I can no longer stand up or until the Guinness runs out.
Consider me happy now with the hang-over of the century planned for tomorrow.

A good way to to pass the afternoon, especially after I prepared an excellent series of tapas (of the Sevillian tradition) to get (three of my kids and me) through the afternoon to accompany the Guinness.
My only problem is that I forgot to eat.
Merchants pub tonight should be fun. They will miss me at least for the noise and the money.

Hello to all and please drink to my health.
I will need much paracetamol before the morning.

love and joy to you all!
f

And a Happy Easter Sunday to you all!
I’ll stick with the Sunday only as happiness never lasts very long in the family context, does it?
The tenseness will increase over the evening and you will all be relieved to get out to work tomorrow if only to get away from your various sources of family irritation.
Back to normal, in other words.

So, where to start… It’s a religious week and I would like to think that you did manage to participate to some extent. Having partially watched a lot of it during the week while working, I propose this:
Question of the week: Is the Santo Entierro procession a parody?

Meanwhile Notre Dame burned down. When they were building it 900 years ago, it was common for the rich to finance the enterprise in return for Indulgences and forgiveness for the way they amassed the very money they were partially donating. Ah, the feudal system and patronage… rich lords buying their way into Heaven by making huge donations to the Church to atone for their robbing, exploitation, killing etc.
No hypocrisy in sight, right?
Well, here we have French billionaire Bernard Arnault (and family, it says here) and fellow French Billionaire François Pinault (and his family too) each offering 100 million Euro, that’s 100000000!!!!, towards the rebuilding of the cathedral. The l’Orèal family (you wouldn’t expect less) also pledging several tens of millions.
What sins are they guilty of that they have to offer so much in donation to the Church? Please send me your suggested list of their sins on a very long postcard.

Being a professor of thermodynamics helps me resolve mysteries too. After the fire, pictures from the inside show the golden Cross at the front of the altar untouched by the devastation around it. The fundamentalist Christians have jumped on this as proof of God and His intervention.
I have bad news for them, or rather, good science. The chief combustible of the fire was the wooden seats. Wood burns at a temperature of between 600°C and 800°C (depending on its chemical composition). The melting point of gold is 1600°C.
Really, one doesn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes.

Being Sevilla and with a general election on the horizon, there would have to be a potent mix of both religion and politics somewhere along the way. Again, no hypocrisy in sight, right?
We have the «Sash» (or fajin rojo) and the Baratillo and prospective Vox votes. Who, in their right mind, would even consider using a bright red sash, worn by a dictator guilty of much bloodshed, and donated by the Franco Bahamonde family (family again,eh?) as a decoration on a symbol of peace? And this has been going on for years… on the Virgin del palio of a Holy Week procession.
This is a scandal. For all his sins, the dictator’s family only gave a sash. A miserable sash?!?!?! Why couldn’t they give a few million Euro like all the other bastards? (see above).

In another parody of hypocrisy (okay, but it is the only expression that fits), it is reported that Game Of Thrones has been banned in military schools in Turkey to protect young people from “sexual exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, abuse, harassment and all negative behaviours”.
Seriously?
It’s a f***ing television program, with actors. Actors!
Yeah… now get out there and kill some innocent civilians for real!!!!!!
The military, eh?

There is a Peppa Pig film out at present: «Peppa Pig: Festival of Fun». They have special maninee showings in the UK, probably as an excuse for parents to bring along their children on Saturday morning, then make an excuse to leave after ten minutes to do what they like for a couple of hours (relaxed shopping, go home and have uninterupted sex, whatever), but things didn’t work out that way in Ipswich, UK.
Before the film, some trailers for forthcoming films are shown… except that the trailers chosen were for the films «Ma» featuring dead bodies, sexual violence and a man being hit by a car, and «Brightburn», which features a malevolent child with a horror mask as well as blood and violence.
Cue: kids in tears and screaming in terror.
Cue: lots of parents suddenly realising that their morning shopping or Saturday sex was a non-starter.
One parent, Mrs Jones, a BBC journalist, said her daughter Annie had been subdued since the experience. She said: «Normally I would expect her to be singing and dancing when watching something like [Peppa Pig] but she was just really subdued. I hope that they can show these horror film trailers every week. It hasn’t been as quiet in the house since Annie was born.»

Okay, I added a quote of my own in there.

Still in the «we’re not talking about Brexit» UK, this one also made me wonder about the general levels of education there.
A couple phoned the local newspaper in Doncaster to report finding a piranha in the local lake. Ah well, this now fitted in with recent dramatic reports of ducks being massacred and other wildlife being torn to shreds, now obviously by the «razor-toothed Amazon fish»….  in the freezing waters of Martinwells Lake.
Do you have proof, asked the reporter, busy checking the date… not the 1st of April. To his shock, photographs began to emerge of a couple of fish that looked just like the actual South American pirhana.
The Environment Agency confirmed that the dead fish were indeed pirhanas.
Obviously they were exotic pets that some owner released into the water when they became too big.
However, logic or intelligence were never a part of rural British life and the reactions were worth a laugh.
“It was quite a shock. We couldn’t believe that we’d found a piranha fish. It’s not the kind of thing you expect to find in Doncaster,”
No, nor in most of Brazil either, where the tropics are.
“When we realised what it was, it sent shivers down my spine. This is a popular spot among families, dog walkers and fishermen. It’s always busy here. There’s a play park nearby, with lots of young children.»
Playpark?
Do these things have legs now?
Keep an eye out for pirahanas among the columpios in Alfalfa, Felix.

Speaking of dicks…..
The male organ rears its ugly head again (puns completely intended).
Doctors in Papua New Guinea have warned of a “nationwide problem” of men injecting foreign substances, including coconut oil, baby oil, silicone and cooking oil (side effects are serious, sometimes irreversible) into their penises in an attempt to make them bigger.
Yaaheeeey!!!! The male ego, eh? Completely concentrated in the genetalia.
A doctor at the Port Moresby General Hospital said that over the last two years his «clinic has treated at least 500 men with penile disfigurement and dysfunction as a result of injections. The bulk of them have abnormal, lumpy masses growing over the penis and sometimes involving the scrotum” said Dr Danlop.
He continued “Predominantly the men, usually aged 18-40, regret what they have done,”
Read that again…. «predominantly»????
Some of them are okay with this??

We men do so many things to keep women happy.

Still speaking of horrors…An American man is suing his parents for throwing away his pornography collection, which he estimates is worth $29,000 (€25,600). The 40-year-old Indiana man filed his lawsuit last week in Michigan, where he had moved in with his parents in 2016 after his divorce. His twelve boxes of magazines were dumped by his father.
The man is now seeking financial damages of around $87,000 (€76,800).
The question remains… who buys porn magazines in the age of the internet?

«Now, why didn’t we think of that?» Part 154
After American Airlines announced that it was canceling 115 flights a day between now and the summer because of «problems» (problems? that’s putting it mildly) with the Boeing 737 Max, Donald Trump, a.k.a. the Orange Shit Gibbon, decided to show them the solution.
And the solution of genius?
Change the name and keep selling and flying. I am not sure that this particular piece of advise had occurred to anyone in Boeing, probably because they think that not even Americans are that stupid.
The tweet is yet another classic in a long line of shite:
“What do I know about branding? Maybe nothing (but I did become President!), but if I were Boeing, I would FIX the Boeing 737 MAX, add some additional great features, & REBRAND the plane with a new name. No product has suffered like this one. But again, what the hell do I know?”
This is one that Homer Simpson wouldn’t try, but I can imagine the Orange Shit Gibbon standing on the wing with a big marker pen changing to MAX8 to «all new MAX9» badly and being convinced that no one would notice.
You can imagine it too, right?

For your information, the problem has no proper solution. The position of the reactors under the wings renders stability much more difficult to retain and control. This is the fuck-up of the century and is the equivalent of the White Star Line producing hundreds of Titanics. 

White House senior adviser Ivanka Trump (yes, that’s her real job title) said her father asked her if she was interested in taking the job of World Bank chief but she passed on it.
Please just think about that for a moment.
The president (i.e. the Orange Shit Gibbon) recently told The Atlantic newspaper: «I even thought of Ivanka for the World Bank. She would’ve been great at that because she’s very good with numbers.»
That’s some serious qualification right there. Good with numbers.
Christ!
Ivanka Trump worked on the selection process for the new head of the 189-nation World Bank, David Malpass. She said he will do an «incredible job».
Quite incredible, indeed!

Meanwhile, submissive friend of the Shit Gibbon, Kim Jong-Un has had his army test firing a new tactical weapon with a “powerful warhead”.
Someone is laughing anyway.

I will end with a quote from a very senior British diplomat concerning Brexit, but it fits in with everything..
«We’re fucked! Totally fucked! There is no other way to say it. Fucked»
He has a way with words.

Peace and blessings be upon you all,
f

I actually thought that the April Fool’s jokes in newspapers were easy to spot but I was wrong.
By dismissing the story about the Irish prime minister Leo Varadkar (gay party) inviting Kylie Minogue to perform a concert in Dublin, I make the intelligent error of the week. By that I mean that no intelligent person would give it any credence.
Imagine my consternation, indeed stupefaction, this morning when I read this…

«Leo Varadkar’s letter to pop star Kylie Minogue has been labelled «cringe-worthy» and «demeaning of his office» by an Opposition member of parliament.
The Prime Minister wrote the letter to the Australian singer ahead of her proposed visit to Dublin in October for a concert and offered to give her a personal welcome to the country.
The letter was issued on official Department of the Prime Minister headed paper.
Despite it being an official note, Mr Varadkar attempted to prevent its release on two occasions under Freedom of Information, before finally relenting.»

Is there one, even one! dignified and intelligent politician on this effing planet?
This is once more beyond any parody or comment I could make.

I despair!
Will someone please have a drink with me?

blessings!
f

In case you think that my presence in Sevilla precludes you from my usual tactic of using the news and my cynical view of it as therapy, then you are wrong.
Despite the work, the frustration, the failed expectations, the unwanted repetition and the goggle-eyed stupefaction… I am going again.
But speaking of eyes and travel documents and no doubt other things, I notice that there is a square of apparently random patterned smaller squares on everything. They read this electronically at airports and everywhere else. I asked what they were.
«They are QR codes», was the answer.
What’s that, I asked.
«QR codes» was the answer again. So they don’t know what they are either nor what QR stands for as an acronym.
Then, after some advanced thought, I worked it out…
These QR codes (or strange squares) are Rorschach tests for robots – I think we should be paying attention to artificial intelligence now.

The MIchael Jackson (was a predatory paedophile) documentary has been shown at two cinema & TV festivals now and the reactions are quite strong. I was just thinking about the release of his album «Bad» and how, at the time, the word ‘bad’ meant ‘good’. It was a rappers thing and even my students would say ‘bad’ for ‘good’. You know, I’m bad, I’m bad was really saying I’m good, I’m good.
Well, it turns out that ‘bad’ meant ‘bad’ after all.
It’s a good job, though, that he wasn’t black. Otherwse he would have ended up in prison.
LOL
Now we know why he did everything to stop being black. White people never go to prison in the US.

In Russia, a naked man was arrested in Moscow after trying to board a plane while shouting about how clothes made him less agile and aerodynamic.
(What? Was he planning on flying himself through the air?)
Eyewitnesses said the man passed through checks at Domodedovo Airport before suddenly taking off all his clothes and running on to the jet bridge, which connects airport terminals to planes.
He was arrested by the police, who no doubt looked to avoid any physical contact. I mean, what would you do in those circumstances? 
The other passengers said the man did not appear drunk.
So what’s the criterion now that allows us to be naked in public?

To escape from the boredom of the gilets jaunes, the French thought up something that would divert attantion elsewhere.
The plan is to privatise the shops and in Lourdes that sell holy water and religious trinkets.
Since the arrival of the Virgin there with instructions that the locals should ‘sell! sell! sell!’… the real third secret of Lourdes… or was that Fatima?
Up to now, the rights to sell! sell! sell!  were given to local families for minimal rent as a way to distribute the wealth brought to the small French town by pilgrims travelling from around the world.
No longer! The Jesus trade was not bringing in enough money, so, the local council now wants to sell the shops to private owners in order to pay off municipal debt.
Josette Bourdeu, the town’s left-wing mayor, is anticipating a windfall of at least a million pounds from an initial round of sales this year – with more to follow in subsequent years.
Why do I think that this will all end in tears?
Lourdes attracts more than six million visitors a year and many purchase bottles of holy water, statuettes of the Virgin Mary and rosaries, all signed by the Virgin herself, along with signed photographs of the Virgin and Jesus.
Trust the communists to make money out of the emblem of the poor.
All the same!

During Saddam’s reign (yet another anecdote from those years) they developed the SCUD missile, or they misdeveloped the SCUD missile. These missiles were so «accurate» that they not only missed their target every time, but they also missed the country towards which they were launched. I mean, how do you miss an entire country?
Hello to British Airways, whose passengers were mistakenly flown to Edinburgh rather than Dusseldorf last week.
An honest mistake, you shout.
They are blaming this one on a «paperwork error».
And there was I thinking… incompetence. In between Scotland and Germany there are France, Belguim, Holland..
not just missing a target…
I am all for giving work to minority groups, but blind pilots???

It’s been reported this week that some parents have taken to using a tutoring service for themselves so that they could understand what their children were learning and could help them with their homework. That would never have occurred to me. After all, one of the points of school was that my children were supposed to learn stuff from teachers that I didn’t.

Nasa is offering people €15,000 to spend 60 days in bed as part of a study in bodily deterioration; a job I could literally do with my eyes shut. Sure, there are certain indignities to be endured – you’re not allowed to get out of bed even to go to the toilet – but I’ve suffered far worse and €7K a month is not to be dismissed. Also, on the plus side, I could read and rewatch the entire series of GoT. Where’s that address again?

As regards the parody of the parody that is this week’s Brexit..  anyone still breathing in the UK should go  home and overdose
That sums up the last three years there. .
Teresa May, decided then to take a theme from the Romans… immortalised by Shakespeare… and fall on her sword.
Except that she missed.
I can just imagine an ordinary British person watching on and hoping that this is all a bad dream and then, waking up in panic saying… I’m going to snap my fingers and all of this will all go away as if nothing happened.
One, Two, Three – SNAP!
…… SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!
….. Fuck it, SNAP!

Are we having drinks tis week?
I should bloody well hope so!
Just indicate which evening.

love and blessings to all and sundry
f